Bad at the messy business of dying, we're stronger ... - Died and Yet

Tony Lopez, columnist Steve Lopez's father, poses in a shot from the 1940s, when he played high school football in Pittsburg, Ca.

SAN FRANCISCO ? The hospice nurse said on Tuesday that my father could be gone within 24 hours. It was no surprise. He?d been bedridden for days, and on the list of 10 signs that death is near, he had six or seven.

And so I headed north, to the Bay Area, to be with my family. And it?s true what they say ? that even if you prepare yourself for the inevitable, and know there?ll be mercy in death, the imminent loss of a loved one crushes you in ways you don?t anticipate.

A doctor at Cedars, Lawrence Maldonado, had told me on Tuesday that our cultural fear of death often keeps us at a distance from the process of dying ? it?s easy enough to let the nursing home handle it. But there?s something powerful and life-affirming in facing down those fears, despite the heart-wrenching difficulty my sister described.

She and my mother have never been braver as they comforted my father at every turn, gently repositioning him in bed, dabbing at his parched lips with a sponge, cleaning him, talking to him, singing to him, thanking him, holding his hand.

(This beautifully written account of his father?s last days by Steve Lopez appeared in The Los Angeles Times on Feb. 21, 2012. Read the rest here.)

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About Died and yet ...

Fascinating people die every day, some well-known, some not so known. People's obituaries are often the only things written about their rich, varied, interesting lives. This blog celebrates the large and small among us, without whom our experiences wouldn't be as meaningful.

Source: http://diedandyet.com/2012/02/21/bad-at-the-messy-business-of-dying-were-stronger-than-we-think-columnist-says-during-fathers-last-days/

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